Ok – this is really helpful, because what if it’s not an attack, but a message??? Think with me…
In her frustration, she makes all kinds of statements that sound to you like complaints at best and attacks at worst. He, in turn, counters by negating everything she says and then turns around to tell her the real problems. She then responds in like manner, negating everything he just claimed as the real problems, and once again resumes with her attack. On and on it goes.
Sound at all familiar? Even to the slightest degree?
I picture it like this:
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She is making statements, yes, but she is really sending messages. He has an arrowhead shield around himself for protection to deflect each of her arrows.
Now picture this:
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After deflecting her arrows, he sends his own messages back to her, which are also deflected by her self-protective stance inside her arrowhead shield.
Sadly, matters consistently go from bad to worse as this scenario continues to play out, back and forth, back and forth.
Perhaps even more sad, is that both are missing the point (no pun intended!) What sounds like complaints – even attacks, are really messages being sent to the other. The key is to fend off the felt attack while still seeking to interpret the message. So, what do you think? What is the overall message being delivered?
After all, what if it’s not an attack…?
I’ll share my thoughts on the answer in my next email – but for now, what do YOU think is the underlying reason she says the things she says and he does the same? I promise you, there is a reason – and it’s likely not what you think. She doesn’t wake up in the morning – and neither does he – thinking about how to hurt the other (and if I am wrong on that, there is another problem!) Something else is taking place! What is that? Why is she or he saying things to you that seem to hurt and cause you to feel attacked? And what is the message (or plea) being sent?
Let me know your thoughts by responding in the comments.
I’ll share MY thoughts next time!
Mark Oelze
Author, Creator of PLEDGEtalk
Learn more at PLEDGEtalk.com!
P.S. I know, I know my drawings could use a lot of work! If you know CANVA and would like to be of help, let me know! I would love to hear from you!
